Wednesday 27 August 2014

Being ethical implies sacrifice.

Guess what. I love clothes. I love choosing something beautiful from my wardrobe, getting dressed and feeling pretty and feminine. Many of my clothes are colourful because it makes me feel cheerful, but I also own more classic, elegant items. And I do love shopping - I love the thrill of hunting for that gorgeous item, finding it, trying it on and looking like myself, yet different and new because my garment is new!

Lately, though, I have become aware of how our clothes are mostly made in developing countries by people whose salaries don't even come close to enabling them to support themselves. This in turn led me to question the way I shop, and I recently wrote a blog about ethical clothing. I decided that I would strive to buy my clothes from second-hand shops or jumble sales whenever possible.

Countless times, I have glanced at fashion shop windows at something pretty, then thought, "no".

Until yesterday.

Nicholas and I went groceries shopping and we passed a clothes shop on the way. A dress caught my eye: colourful, pretty, sporting cats (I love cats!!!). As if inexorably drawn towards it, I walked into the shop, found the dress on a rail... wanting to try it on.

Then I checked the label. I had to.

"Made in China".

In China, the minimum wage only actually covers 46% of a person's living wage (the wage needed to support oneself and afford things like food, accommodation, healthcare, etc). And if you think that's bad, the minimal wage in Bangladesh only covers 11% of the living wage. That's right.

I really, really wanted that dress. It was so me. But ethically, I just couldn't buy it. So I put the dress down and got ready to leave. Then I had a thought.

I walked up to a shop assistant and politely enquired about the shop's policy on working conditions for those who made the clothes. She looked at me like I was an alien (well, maybe I am).

And today, I tracked down the website of the brand who made that dress and emailed them the same question. Because if enough of us start doing this, things might change. As customers, we don't need to be victims. We have power. Let us try and use it.

That being said, I am still tempted to buy it. Will I be consistent with my own view, or give in to my selfish desire? The battle rages within. 

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Update:

I never received a reply from the brand in question. However, I found another of their dresses, similar in style (cats too, but a different colour scheme) on a second-hand website.



(Picture from http://www.fgtb.be/web/guest/news-fr/-/article/2457832/ , no copyright infringement intended)


Monday 25 August 2014

Dawkins and disabilities: what makes a life worthwhile?

Unless you've been living under a rock, or - like my mother - are blissfully unaware of what's going on in social media, you've probably heard about Richard Dawkins' infamous advice on Twitter to people expecting a child with Down's syndrome: abort it and try again. He later qualified his statement, but still insists that bringing such a child into the world is immoral, " based upon his own moral philosophy which in turn is based on a desire to increase happiness and reduce suffering."

This story strikes a nerve with me for two reasons.

For a start, I have a disability myself. I have Asperger's syndrome, which is an autistic spectrum disorder. Yes, it does make my life more difficult or even more painful at times. Does that mean I would rather not be alive? Of course not. Besides, happiness is not necessarily the absence of suffering. Of course, circumstances affect our happiness, but they do not necessarily crush it: if it were the case, people who are poor or ill would never be happy, yet this is simply not true (I'm not going to discuss how the pursuit of pleasure can actually impair our capacity for happiness today, though). And I know my parents love me just as I am, despite the difficulties they've had with me over the years.

Actually, I'm not the only person with an autistic spectrum disorder who's responded to Dawkins. The lady who mentioned the dilemma posed by learning your unborn child has Down's syndrome asked him where he'd draw the line, since she has an ASD. He replied "People on that spectrum have a great deal to contribute, Maybe even an enhanced ability in some respects."

I think that argument is flawed. Firstly, someone's contribution to society does not determine the worth of their lives, and that is very fortunate. How do you decide whose contribution is worth keeping? Besides, you cannot possibly know what contribution a child will make (or not) before they're even born. This guy has Down's syndrome and his contribution is pretty amazing, and he is only one example of the many things people like him are capable of. Moreover, people with ASD do not necessarily have enhanced skills. Some of us are highly intelligent, other of average intelligence, and other stills have severe developmental delay. Some have incredible intelligence but their autism is so severe that they cannot unlock their potential. None of this, however, is a criteria for the worth of our lives.

Which brings me to my second point. I used to work with children and teenagers who had various learning disabilities, including Down's syndrome - and some disabilities that are a lot more profound. Many of them had severe and complex developmental disabilities. They could not feed themselves, they could not talk, they could not walk. Does this mean their lives were not worth living?

Each one of them had a personality and a smile. A smile, do you understand what that means? A smile that says "I am happy to be here with you", "I am happy to see you". They had their likes and dislikes; they responded to people and situations in different ways. They felt the same emotions you and I do.They expressed happiness, fear, or frustration and cause people around them happiness, sadness, or frustration, just like we do. Who are we to say that their lives are not worth living? Since they can show enjoyment of certain things, dislike or distress of others, it demonstrates they feel the same emotions we do, even if they can't articulate them like we can.

Let me tell you about Gary (named changed). Gary was one of those children. I was blessed to be his key worker for 4 weeks. I got to know him and Gary had the happiest, liveliest personality you could imagine. When he smiled, it looks like the sun was radiating through his face. He would clap his hands in mine and laugh quietly. I could tell he was happy to see me. Gary passed away when he was 15. I miss him. I loved that boy very much. He was a human being and he had just as much a right to live as anyone else.

Mr Dawkins' statement leans towards eugenism, and that's evil in my books. I don't think we have the right to decide for another human being whether their life is worth living or not.

Wednesday 13 August 2014

Robin Williams, suicide, and choice

Since the news of Robin William's death came yesterday, a lot has been written over the internet about depression and suicide.

Most people expressed sadness and compassion. Many shared their own struggle with depression. But some simplistic-minded people expressed opinions that left the rest of us reeling with disbelief and anger. Matt Walsh's blog is one example: he basically implies that suicide is a wilful choice, and offers joy as "the only thing that defeats depression". Although I do not know the man, I think it unlikely that he has any personal knowledge of the issue, given how simplistic his assessment is.

While I am no doctor or psychiatrist, I suffered from depression for many years. It started in my early teens and followed me long into adulthood. At certain times, it was a burden so heavy that I simply could not function. At others times, it was like a ball and chain I was dragging around, slowing me down. It often wrecked havoc in my sleep patterns and appetite.

Depression can also trigger destructive behaviour, which can be a cry for help, or the result of self-loathing, or being so far gone that you no longer care - or a bit of all three. As a teenager, I cut my forearm with a knife. As a thirty-something, I drank too much. And I did contemplate suicide several times - in fact, I had a failed attempt at the age of 15 (and very thankful it was a failure, too).

Is suicide a choice? In a way, yes, but that is only part of the picture. Depression can choke you up in such a way that you feel like there are no other alternatives. None at all.

My mother is a nurse and we once discussed euthanasia. She told me that in many cases, what patients really want is for the pain to stop. When they're given medication that relieves their suffering, those people usually no longer wish to die. Depression can be just the same - it's not so much that you want to die, it's that you want to stop hurting, and you feel like nothing else can make the pain stop, ever. You feel trapped, crushed, all hope extinguished - the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

I’ve been in that place where death feels like the only way to stop the pain and the anguish. I chose, time and again, to say “no” to suicide. But if you've never been in that place, you have no right to condemn someone who has, because you do not know what such hopelessness feels like.

Suicide may be a choice, but it's one you make when you feel trapped and cornered; when you feel all other options have been taken away from you. Maybe not such a wilful choice after all!

It's true that only you have the power to get better; but at the same time, you whole being feels empty of any power. And in those times, you need support - not easy answers. I once was told the following by a counsellor: "You're making yourself depressed. Keep yourself busy and you'll forget to feel sad. Smile and people will smile back at you." Oh, if only it were so simple! Depression is not a choice. I did not want to be depressed. I wanted to be happy and full of life, but I couldn't. I simply couldn't. Telling me it was my fault added guilt to the deep emotional distress I was feeling. It did not help.

It is true that depression is more than a chemical imbalance – there are many other factors, including spiritual ones. Yet it is a disease, a very real disease that can cause immense pain and grief. There are no easy answers, even for the Christian. I have heard well-meaning Christians say that "Depression isn't from God". That may well be, but neither is cancer - and we ought to aknowledge the battle of those who fight it, not belittle it or burden them with the guilt of lacking faith or lacking joy.

So how do you get better? I don't know. Everyone is different.

How did I get better? I never let depression define me. I often felt that there was a happy woman inside me, eager to come out, and come out she did. Many things helped. Friends and family. Counselling (with a better counsellor than the one I discussed earlier!). My faith. Writing. Long walks. Learning to savour little joys such as the feeling of rain on my face, tasting a favourite dish, enjoying someone's company, listening to music. Happiness crept back on me and I clung to it.

How can you get better? I don't know how you can. I'm not you. But I know you can. Keep trying - don't give up.



Stephen Fry is an English comedian, actor and writer who suffers from depression.

One final word: the best book I have ever read about depression is Michael Rosen's Sad Book. Look it up.