How my asperger's syndrome got me a wonderful boyfriend

As I mentioned here, people with Asperger’s syndrome struggle with social interaction. Because of this, they (or their parents) often worry about how they will find a partner. Well, you know what? My Asperger’s syndrome actually helped me meet the man who has been my loving boyfriend for over a year. 

I have often found it difficult to interact appropriately with people, to the point of being labelled antisocial when I was a child. However, I actually like people (most of the time, anyway), and I try to be as kind as I can to others. I consider it the right thing to do – after all, should I not treat others the way I would like them to treat me?

I currently work in a supermarket, and being helpful, friendly and polite to customers is very important. So I always greet them with a big smile, and assist them in any way I can. Most of them are regular customers and like to stop and chat.

Some of them work in nearby offices and come in to buy their lunch every day. Around April last year, four of them started talking to me – generally to ask what I would advise them to buy in our reduced-price items. As usual, I tried my best to be friendly and polite. Now, because of my Asperger’s syndrome, I find it hard to focus on more than one thing at a time, including visually, which means I have difficulty focusing on more than one person in a conversation. So I unconsciously focused my attention (and my smiles) on the most talkative of them.

Not only did he think I was hitting on him, but he was left with the feeling of floating a few inches above the ground (his words, not mine!). This, unbeknownst to me. He spent the following weeks trying to come up with a way to talk to me and ended up giving me a book as a present (good choice as I'm an avid reader!). 

When I got home that day, I found a note inside the book with his name and his number. We started seeing each other and after a few weeks, he gave me a bracelet and asked me if I'd be his girlfriend.

I told him quite early on that I had Asperger’s syndrome. He didn’t seem to mind at all – actually, he finds my little quirks endearing. He is also very patient and understanding. I feel safe around him, because his calm disposition helps me overcome moments of anxiety. It also feels safe to be me – I don’t feel judged when I express my emotions in “less ordinary” ways such as jumping up and down, dancing or singing, or when I have a meltdown! He never pressures me into being a woman I’m not, but encourages me to grow into who I am meant to be. He makes me feel ready to face new challenges, such as driving – I will write more about that at some point!

But the bottom line is this: I met this wonderful, loving, caring, committed, funny, romantic man… because of a misunderstanding stemming from my Asperger’s!