Friday 12 September 2014

The day I set off

In my very first post, I mentioned being a Christian. So today, I thought I'd share with you how that journey started...

I was raised vaguely Catholic. I say vaguely because it was more of a tradition than anything else. Babies were born and Christened, we'd go to mass at Christmas, weddings and funerals; children would receive their First Communion and later be confirmed - this would be the occasion for a big family party, a large meal, and plenty of presents. It was just what people did where I grew up - I was no different and never questioned it.

I always believed in the existence of God - someone up there looking down on us - but it wasn't particularly clear to me who or what God was. Catechism talked a lot about the life of Bible characters and saints, but it didn't mean much more to me than school: it was just stuff you were supposed to know about, that's all.

When I was 18, I went to London for a year to study English. While I was there, I attended an Anglican church that some friends had recommended. I guess what struck me most about those people is how seriously they took their faith. This was rather new to me and intrigued me: it must have been something important. They ran something similar to the Alpha Course and I decided to take part.

The course addressed issues such the reliability of the New Testament, the identity of Jesus as God's Son incarnate, sin, and God’s plan of salvation through Jesus. This is when I really understood the phrase “Jesus died for our sins”- a phrase I had heard in the Catholic church before. I had never realised what sin was - rejection of God, and any action that demonstrates that rejection; how we fall short of what we were meant to be. I had never realised either that what Jesus did was take upon himself the guilt and consequence of human sin when He died on the cross. He received what we deserve, so we could be forgiven and receive God's love once more - the love we have a natural tendency to reject.

I realised then that if a Christian was simply someone who trusted in Jesus and in what He had done for us, then I wasn’t one.

At about the same time, I met a Muslim. We discussed God and religion, and I read some booklets about Islam. As a result, some of my beliefs were challenged. Indeed, I had always thought that all religions all led to God. However, in Islam you had to obey lots of rules and do good deeds, and then maybe, if you were found good enough, God would accept you. On the other hand, I was being told in Church that as a sinner, there was nothing I could do to make myself acceptable to a perfect, absolutely good God, and that all I could do was accept what Jesus had done for me and commit my life to Him. That wasn’t the same thing at all – one belief system told me I had to work hard to deserve God’s acceptance, and the other told me there was nothing I could do and nothing I needed to do, because God had already done it all for me… all I had to do was receive His gift.

I was extremely confused. I could see both beliefs couldn’t be true at the same time, because in all logic they were self-excluding. But I had no idea which one was right. Both seemed to make sense. I knew I had to choose one or the other, and I did want to please God and do what He required, but I simply didn’t know which way was the right one.

I was more attracted to Islam because it fitted my views about God and religion: God wanted us to obey a certain set of rules and be good, and when we'd die He would weigh our good and bad deeds on a pair of scales and see which way it tipped. But I could not dismiss Christianity, because it could make sense too.

One day as I was walking through Regent’s Park pondering all these things, a woman I came up to me and asked me “Do you know if you’re going to heaven when you die?” She gave me a little booklet explaining the same things I had been told in church about Jesus and salvation. That woman didn’t know me and had no way of knowing I was precisely wondering about Christianity at the time she asked me that question. I do believe it was a sign from God. But even then I couldn’t make up my mind, because I still felt attracted to Islam. I spent days thinking about it, but I couldn’t decide. Then one day I decided that the only person who could make it clear was God Himself. So I started praying, asking Him to reveal Himself to me and to show me which way was the right way, Christianity or Islam. One night as I was praying…it suddenly became clear. It struck me that Christianity didn’t only make sense, but that it was true. It felt as if I had been in a dark room and suddenly someone had turned on the light. I could trust Jesus for my forgiveness and salvation.

And this is how my Christian journey started. It has given my life a sense of purpose and value, knowing that I was loved by God. It hasn't made me perfect, but is has given me the drive to constantly improve out of love for him, and the desire to know him better.

My journey is not over, and I am currently re-assessing a lot of the peripheral beliefs I have been taught for years. I will definitely share more about it at some point.

4 comments:

  1. My challenge with religion is this: man alone writes books and establishes rules taught in religion. There is something fundamentally flawed with a set of rules which has an inherent threat. It's been proven that capital punishment does not actually deter capital crimes. So, doesn't it also follow that the threat of hell or not meeting God would be equally ineffective at preventing sin?

    I prefer to talk openly with theologians about living a life of hard work, peace and brotherhood. It doesn't make me a hippie, although I know one person in particular that may call me one.

    Living a good life should be about giving of yourself to others. If we all did that, then we would get back every bit as much as we gave.

    Subscribing to a literal ideology written centuries ago doesn't seem to have real value to me.

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  2. " There is something fundamentally flawed with a set of rules which has an inherent threat. " I totally agree. This story is about the beginning of my faith journey, but I have been questioning and re-assessing a lot of what I took for granted.
    Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it :)

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  3. As the person that calls Joey a Hippie, just a brief comment. Most theologians will tell you or argue that the books and rules may have been written by man, but that God guided their hands.

    The whole issue for me boils down to one word. Faith. By definition, faith is belief in something that cannot be empirically proven. No one is without sin. As flawed beings, sin is part of our nature and completely unavoidable. .God made us this way. He gave us free will and choice. I don't believe it is possible for humans to always do the right thing. Intent and degree are important. Realizing and repenting for failure are equally important.

    I have mentioned before (and this is where I am in complete agreement with the guy who has temporarily disappeared - and no Joseph, that is not a Jesus analogy), that true faith and true belief are things that are lived every day..or in our flawed nature, are attempted to be lived every day.

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    1. Indeed, faith is lived out - or attempted to be lived out - every day. Thanks for your comment, it's very worthwhile - and sorry I've been so long to reply.

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