I will follow

Yesterday, I wrote a detailed post about my faith. In the past few years, I have come to re-assess a lot of things that I had been taught and had accepted as Gospel truth (pardon the pun), which is why I felt compelled to put in writing the actual content of my faith.

Today, I want to talk about the core of my faith, the Christian faith.

This core is the person of Jesus Christ. The very word Christian comes from the word Christ. At the most basic level, a Christian is someone who believes Jesus was who he said he was, and accomplished what he said he accomplished.

We believe Jesus is the Son of God become human. This is actually an amazing thing to believe in, because it means God is not some distant deity who cannot understand us or sympathize with our plight. He lived our life: he felt human pain, weariness, hunger, thirst, and emotions. He cried when a friend of his died. He was moved with compassion when he witnessed human suffering. He himself suffered torture and a slow, horrific agony. This means God knows what being human is like, what it feels like. Our God is close to us. He knows. He understands. That, to me, is a huge source of comfort, and one of the reasons I love him so much.

At the same time, he wasn't exactly a human like one of us. His teachings were both uncompromising and compelling. The virtues he details in the Sermon on the Mount seem unattainable, yet he lived up to them. He gave his time and energy to people, healing them, valuing them. He actually spent time with those society valued the least - the poor, the sick, women, and "notorious" sinners. He had little time for religious hypocrites, though, and didn't mince his words when talking about them. Yet, he taught enemy love and he let his enemies torture and kill him.  He showed us what human beings were supposed to be like: full of love, passionate for justice, passionate for God. 


Finally, he died. He announced his death beforehand and explained to his disciples that he would die on our behalf, as a ransom. A ransom is a price paid for someone's life, is it not? His life for ours. His life to pay the penalty for our sin, for our own rejection of God. His death to open the way to forgiveness and reconciliation. His death to defeat the power of sin and death over humanity. We Christians believe that when he rose again, he proved that he had indeed defeated sin and death. His death and resurrection mean we can enjoy a restored relationship to God.

This is huge. This is massive. This is amazing. This is compelling. And to me, the undeniable proof that God loves us.

This is the Christian story, the very core of it. This is what I build my life upon. Jesus is the man I will follow, and the God I will worship.

The foundations of my faith

In this blog, I already explained how I came to faith, and why I believe. Today, I want to explain precisely what I believe and what the foundations or my faith are. Those beliefs are based on the Bible so I have included Bible references.

1. I believe in one creator God, one in three persons – the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. We often say that “God is love”. Yet, love cannot exist without a recipient, and this is the mystery of the tri-une God: although he is one, he is three persons who love one another: at the heart of God is relationship from the very beginning. I believe God is loving, good, true, and just; I believe he is eternal, omniscient (all-knowing) and omnipotent (all-powerful). I believe he is the source of everything good, true, just and beautiful. I believe he caused the whole universe to come into being. I believe God designed human beings with free will – that is, we are not robots, we are free to choose between good and evil, love and hate, justice and injustice. I believe he made us in his own image, that is, beings that are capable of choices, beings of relationships, and beings of creativity, amongst other things. I believe he made us so we could enjoy a loving relationship with him. (Genesis 1-3; Matthew 28:19; John 1, 10:30, 14:8-11, 26, 17:3; 1 John 4:8)

2. I believe Jesus is God incarnate in human flesh. I believe he was born, lived and died as a human in Roman-occupied Israel at the beginning of the 1^st century as recorded in the New Testament Gospels. I believe he was crucified, was buried, and rose again. I believe he is alive eternally. Everything we need to know about God, we find in Jesus - he shows us exactly what God is like. (The Gospels - see especially John 1)

3. I believe that as humans we are all sinners, and sin separates us from God and deserves our death, for a just God cannot tolerate evil. I believe sin is in our nature but manifests itself in different ways in different people. I believe individual sins are the result of our inward attitude. Sin is my selfishness and ego, putting myself first and above everything else including God. Making myself my own God and rejecting the true God. Consequences both now (broken world, broken individual lives) and eternally (our ultimate destruction). I believe in sin because I see it both in my own life and heart, and in the world. (Genesis 3, Romans 1-3)

4. I believe that although God cannot tolerate evil, he still loves us more than we can imagine and didn't want to leave us in this dire situation. Because God loves us, he came to earth as Jesus: to make himself known to us, to extend his saving hand, and ultimately to die in our place, to die the death we deserve, so we could live, be forgiven of our wrongdoings, and enjoy a reconciled relationship with God, others, the world and ourselves. I believe Jesus’ death was the atoning sacrifice through which God chose to reconcile humanity to himself. I believe the process of redemption concerns not just individuals, but communities and ultimately the whole world. Each individual is responsible for his own acceptance of God’s work in their lives, but God’s goal is to redeem the whole world, transform it, renew it. (John 3:16-18; Romans 3:23-25, 5, 8:19-22)

5. I believe the Spirit of God lives in every believer and gives him both the will and the ability to change and become a better human day by day. This is what Christians call sanctification. I believe redemption and sanctification are a process that lasts a lifetime. (Matthew 10:20; John 7:39, 14:17, 26; 16:13; Acts 1-2)

6. I believe the universal church is the community of all those who trust in and follow Jesus as their God and Saviour. I believe we are called to spread the message of the gospel (good news) of God’s love for humanity, not just through words but through actions. I believe God wants us to partner with him to redeem this world. I believe Christian are called to form communities together where they can encourage each other, support each other, teach each other and pray for each other. (Acts)

7. I believe in the Bible. I believe it has been written by humans and inspired by God. I believe it tells us the Great Story about God, about the world, and about ourselves. I believe it contains commands to follow, principles to apply, examples to follow and virtues to cultivate. I also believe that it needs careful interpretation, given the variety of literary genres, historical and cultural contexts, and original recipients it was addressed to. I believe studying the Bible is fundamental for every Christian. (2 Timothy 3:16)

8. I believe in prayer. I believe that when we talk to God, he listens, he cares and he acts, although not always in the way we imagined, because he has infinite knowledge of everything we and the world need, while we don’t. (Matthew 7:7-11; Luke 11:1-13; John 14: 13-14, 16:23-26)

How not to talk about menstruation

I follow a blog called Single Dad Laughing, written by Dan Pierce.

I like Dan Pearce. Some of his blog posts are hilarious, some others inspirational. As most bloggers (including yours truly), I suppose he is a little narcissistic, but I generally enjoy what he writes.

Except this piece. Dan had surgery that caused rectal bleeding, and, in a supposed attempt to sympathise with menstruating women, shares with us how horrific it was. I'm not sure whether he wanted to be funny or inspirational, but it ended up being neither.

I have so many issues with his post. 

Dan constantly describes it as "bleeding from your 'down there'". Funny as this may sound, a rectum and a vagina are not the same thing at all. They don't look the same. They don't feel the same. They don't have the same function. To put them in the same broad category and call it your "down there" is incorrect and, to me at least, rather offensive.

He complains about being constantly and uncomfortably aware of the bleeding - but that bleeding was the result of tissue trauma, so no wonder! Menstruation, on the other hand, is not the result of a wound or of surgery. It's a perfectly normal female bodily function. I am aware there is something called endometriosis, and that some women are plagued with very painful periods. Admittedly, as I don't experience either of these, I'm not representative of all women, but I'm not constantly aware of it when I'm on my period. I get on with my day just fine.

He also complains about the discomfort and irritation. I would argue that, heavy bleeding due to surgery aside, it's also caused by using disposable pads. I use cloth pads (trust me, much more comfortable than those sticky horrid disposables). He wasn't able to do some of the things he usually enjoys. Well, there again, this was due mainly to the fact that his (heavy) bleeding was caused by tissue trauma. When a woman is menstruating, however, she can choose a kind of protection that won't stop her from playing sports, dancing or swimming, such as tampons, or, even better and healthier, menstrual cups. As for staining your clothes, unless periods are extremely heavy (which isn't the case for everyone), wearing the right protection usually prevents that. 

Dan was uncomfortable disposing of soiled pads, and the odours were most unpleasant. Of course, as his bleeding was only temporary, he couldn't invest in washable ones, but for menstruation women, making that switch solves those issues (bad odour doesn't come from the blood per se, but from the mix of blood and the chemicals in the disposables).

To me, the worst part was his statement that "no human should ever have to bleed from their down theres", as if it was something horrendous. What he experienced was undoubtedly most unpleasant, but once again, comparing it to menstruation is inaccurate and unhelpful. We need to de-dramatise periods and fight the stigma against them, not patronisingly dramatise them. 

He is right on one thing, though: menstruation is a topic that deserves discussion - but a positive one.

So no, Dan Pierce, rectal bleeding isn't the same as menstruation. Not even close.

Coming out - and standing against evil

Today, I wish to share with you something I have been wrestling with for a long, long time, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.

Last September, I explained how I had become a Christian. Of course, understanding who Jesus is and what he did for us is just the beginning. Most churches spend time teaching believers what it means to live as a Christian. And a subject Evangelical churches like to cover is sexual ethics, which brings me to the main point of my post. I was taught early on that according to the Bible, homosexual behaviour is sin. Verses from Leviticus, Romans and 1 Corinthians are often used to back this up, as well as the general idea that God created humans male and female to enjoy a complementary relationship, and that human marriage reflects the relationship between Jesus and the church. So I took it all on board, which was easy enough since it didn't apply to me - after all, I am straight, right?

As it happens, the university I attended the following year seemingly had a significant proportion of people who identified as gay. As a consequence, I decided to investigate the matter further in order to understand them better. In my opinion, before trying to share the good news of God's love for humankind, one has to put oneself in the other person's shoes and have empathy with their plight, whatever it may be. I read Striving for Gender Identity, a book that adheres to the traditional view, but attempts to explain the underlying causes of homosexuality. In short, the book presents homosexuality as failure to identify with one's gender, and a resulting attraction for what is a mystery to one - one's own gender (whereas in heterosexual attraction, the appeal resides in the fact that the opposite sex is somewhat of a mystery). The book also claimed that homosexuality could be cured by first reconciling the person with his or her gender. Again, from an outsider's perspective, I thought that made very good sense, and so I began to see homosexuals as people who suffered from a psychological condition. In any case, people I ought to treat with kindness. It's also around that time that I began to realise no one chooses to be gay, not any more than I chose to be straight.

Years passed, and I met a variety of people, including people who identify as gay. They were real people, with their life stories and emotions. They were faces and smiles and tears; people I could relate to. I also met Christians who didn't consider homosexuality as a sin. This puzzled me somewhat, and I started reading up more about it. Over the years, I read many well-thought out arguments that claimed homosexuality was not necessarily a sin according to the Bible. I heard the voice of Christians who said this is an area where we ought to agree to disagree. I also read stories of people who were badly emotionally damaged by so-called "gay cures".

Then, last year, Christian singer Vicki Beeching came out. I knew her because she led worship at Spring Harvest one of the years I went. She is a committed Christian who loves God deeply. What moved me to my core was her honest recount of the suffering she went through, how hard she tried "not to be gay", and how she pleaded with God, in tears, to free her from her homosexuality. And he didn't. 

I couldn't help but think, "Hang on, if God loves us so much he actually died for us, why would he let his child beg him to deliver her from her own sin, and not free her from it?" Unless it wasn't a sin at all. 

Two days ago, Tony Campolo, a prominent evangelical speaker, spoke out in favour of gay marriage. He is one of a growing number.
 
So where do I stand now? I will give you my 100% honest answer. I do not know. I do not know whether homosexuality is a sin or not. I have read countless arguements for both sides and they make good sense - on both sides. So I am sitting on the fence. But maybe that is not the point.

Maybe I wasn't called to make a judgement on this. Maybe as Christians, we are called to love and welcome everyone just as they are, just as they stand, as Jesus did. Maybe, just maybe it's better to "err on the side of compassion", as Christian blogger Benjamin Corey puts it. 

What I do know, though, is that Jesus calls us to speak out against oppression and the dehumanization of people. In some countries, homosexuality is punishable by death, and, horrendously enough, this has been supported by Western Christians. In the US, homosexuals have been denied access to services on the basis of their sexual orientation. That, I believe, is wrong. That, I believe, is sinful. 

And so this is my coming out. I am an ally.

I may not be certain of what I believe on the issue, but I am an ally. I choose not to discriminiate against gays. I choose to support them in their plight. I do not believe there is a "gay agenda" trying to throw our society into chaos. I believe there are human beings who need the same thing I do - love and acceptance. I believe there are couples in love who simply want the right to live together, the right to visit their life partner in hospital, or inherit from him should the worst happen. Gays do not choose to be attracted to someone of the same sex. No one wakes up one morning thinking, "Hey, I think I'm gonna try this gay thing". Their sexual orientation more often than not sets them up for bullying, discrimination, or worse. 

Moreover, I think there are far more serious issues facing our world today, such as child trafficking or the exploitation of people by big corporations in order to make profit. 

Franklin Graham, the son of famous evangelist Billy Graham, very recently deplored the "moral decay" that he ascribes to the gay agenda, and has decided to move his money out of a bank that used a homosexual couple in their advertising. He says, 

"Let’s just stop doing business with those who promote sin and stand against Almighty God’s laws and His standards. Maybe if enough of us do this, it will get their attention."

Why, Mr Graham, I wholeheartedly agree. I hope, therefore, that you do not buy anything from big corporations (Monsanto or Nestlé, for instance) who make profit by exploiting human beings (who are bearers of the image of God) and destroying God's creation (that he gave us stewardship of). I hope you and your organisation put your money in banks that invest in ethical businesses, not in said human-exploiting corporations. I hope you strive to buy fair-traded coffee and chocolate to ensure no child has been enslaved to produce what you consume. Do use your power as a consumer to stand against evil. But do it thoroughly, and about the issues that really matter. You are strangely silent on blatant social injustice. People are enslaved and exploited so we, Westerners, can keep enjoying all our little luxuries. That, in my opinion, is a far more serious "moral decay" that people like you conveniently ignore.

As for me, I'll always try my best to be an ally to those who suffer. I will choose compassion over judgement.

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Further reading on the issue of homosexuality and Christianity: Matthew Vines' book God and the Gay Christian;  blog series by Preston Sprinkle and Jeff Cook "Discussing Homosexuality: a Better Way".

Light at the end of the tunnel - a work update

I have been working in a local supermarket for 2 years and 7 months. A total of 31 long months in an environment that is draining at best, sometimes soul-destroying. 

Only today, I was given a reminder of why I find it so difficult. I saw a woman walk up to me and thought she probably needed information, so I greeted her with a smile, "Good morning!"

She replied curtly, "Here, check the price of that item for me. It seems darn expensive to me."

How about hello, please, thank you?

We aspies are said to struggle with social conventions. Yet, I have been taught that basic manners are important, and I make sure I use them - only to see so-called "normal" people discard them and talk to me like I'm beneath them. In those 31 long months I have been patronised, talked to rudely and even insulted. All the while keeping my smile (even if I was boiling with anger inside sometimes). And I'm the anti-social one?

Fortunately, as you'll probably remember, some new work opportunities have presented themselves to me. This has given me the confidence to hand in my notice. The 6th of June will be my last day! I'm counting the days.

However, it will be a step into the unknown. I am still working on the translation I started back in February - 86 pages done out of 107, and still a lot of research to do to sort out the quotations. I recently had an email exchange with the publisher and gave him an update of my progress. He gave no sign of impatience (phew!).

The language school, however, have failed to get back in touch with me. Not only that, but I can't get through to them - I have called (no one answers) and sent emails and gotten no reply. This worries me a fair bit.

I know what you'll say - look for something else. But all my free time (pretty much) is taken up by translation.

We shall see. At least, as of the 6th of June, I will have a lot more time - to finish the translation and to search for another job.

On the 6th of June, I will be free.

Best customer questions

As you probably know, I work in a supermarket. While the constant stream of interfering noises is one of the most difficult things to cope with as an aspie, interacting with people can be quite frustrating, too - people acting too familiar, being unclear in their requests, or just plain rude. Today I'm going to share some of the questions customers have asked me...

- "Excuse me, do you work here?" No, I stole a uniform because I thought it was so elegant.

- (Seeing me kneeling to restock the lower shelves) "Saying your prayers, are you?"

- "I don't understand how the buy one, get one free offer works." Well, if you manage to do a handstand while holding both items on one foot, the second one is free. 

- "So you have a boyfriend? How much is he paying you?" Excuse me, did you just call me a prostitute?

- (Customer staring at the yoghurt and dessert aisle) "Where is the mozarella?!"
"Just over there, sir, in the cheese aisle."

- (Same customer who asked how much my boyfriend paid me) "So, this boyfriend of yours, is he on the dole or on income support?" ...

- (Customer showing me a box of painted Easter eggs): "Are those Easter eggs?" Nope, can't you see they're lemons?

- (Customer staring at the margarine section and letting out a huge, baffled sigh) "Which one do you use for cooking?"
"None of those, madam. I use olive oil."

-"Still working, are you?" No, I was bored so I thought I'd restock shelves just for the fun of it.

- Me (turning to customer who just pulled at my trousers waistband): "Excuse me!"
Customer: "Don't you like it?" Geez, yeah. I love getting old creeps tugging at my clothes. WTF?

- (Customer seeing me clean the glass doors) "Will you come and clean mine afterwards?"
"Sure, how much will you pay my cleaning services?"

- "Do you sell painted Easter eggs?"
"Well, around Easter we do, but it's November at the moment..."

- "If there is no price on this item, does it mean it's free?" Oh, sure. Ask the manager.

- (Fifty-something customer accompanied by his mother) "Why don't you go to the village ball? Men would only have eyes for you!" Good grief...

- "I'm pretty sure you can't help me at all, but I have been looking everywhere and I just can't find that, I need it to cook dinner and I really don't know if you sell any..." Well, if you started by telling me what it is you are looking for, I'm pretty sure I could help you all right. As it is...

My annoying habit

I have been following Beckie0 on Youtube and Facebook for while. For those who don't know her, she is a young British woman suffering from a condition called thrichotillomania - it means she compulsively pulls her hair and struggles to stop herself from doing it, much in the same way people who bite their nails can't stop themselves. She documents her life with "trich", how she copes (or doesn't at times), and her evolution from a teenager into adulthood, as she started her vlog at a rather young age. I really appreciate her.

Her story is interesting because it touches on a difficult question: why are there certain behaviours that we seem unable to stop, even though it's not good for us, even though we wish we could stop? Addictions of all kinds come to mind, of course, but the type of compulsive behaviour that intrigues me here is the kind that cause mild self-harm.  Apparently, it even has a name: Body-Focused Repetitive Behavior. 

I am intrigued by it because there is something I have been doing for years and have found myself unable to stop, even though I really, really wish I could.

I bite the inside of my cheeks.

I cannot remember when I started doing this. I do remember, however, that as a child I used to bite, gnaw and chew things like the end of pens and pencils, rubbers, paper, and even leaves and tree bark. Because of my Asperger's, I think this may be linked to sensory issues in some ways - some autistic children I looked after would chew things as a way of getting acquainted with them, much like babies do. But I think it may also be linked to anxiety, and the cheek-biting certainly is. 

I may not remember starting biting the inside of my cheeks, but I know when I am most likely to be doing it: whenever I am anxious, concentrating on something (including a book or film I am engrossed in) or deep in thoughts. I am not always aware I am doing it, and when I do realise it, I keep doing it even though I think to myself: "I gotta stop this. Stop. Come on".

Most of the time it's rather mild. It feels like I am just pulling off tiny bits of skin inside my mouth. It feels rather cathartic, but the more I bite it off, the more little bits come loose that I want to bite off as well. At time when it was really bad, I occasionally made myself bleed, but fortunately, it doesn't happen very often.

People who spend time with me become aware of it quite quickly. Some tell me off, but being told to "Just stop already" doesn't help - if anything, it causes more anxiety, which in turn causes more biting. I feel self-conscious as well, because it makes me pull funny faces and it's not very attractive.

To this day, I still don't know how I can make myself stop. I really wish there was some kind of trick to get rid of that annoying habit. I know I'm not the only one, because I have read a few things online about it, but no real solution.