A time of violence and grief

I just switched on the news, and there it was. Another attack from "jihadists", this time targeting a church and murdering a priest. Violence goes on and on (and if we take off our Western-centered glasses for a second, we'll realise such attacks on Christians is nothing new at all).

I feel like my arms and legs have been cut off.

I want to believe in love, peace, and this crazy idea that we can all live together as the human brothers and sisters that we are. Yet, such horrendous acts scream at me that it cannot be. That humans are always going to tear each other apart. That I'd better give up on hope and love and peace. That I should be afraid of Muslims - afraid of the men and women and children I look after at the centre for asylum seekers and of the many other Muslims who live in my country. That I should hide away from them, be wary of them, push them out of my life and even out of my country. Just in case.

I don't want to listen to the screams of terrorism. I don't want to stop loving the people I work with. I don't want terrorism to colour my dealings with the Muslims I come across.

Let us not forget that Daesh aims to divide us, to create a rift between Muslims and the Western world. Let us not allow them to create that rift. Let us not allow them to divide us. I have said it before and I will say it again: the majority of Muslims are as appalled as we are. Besides, in Daesh-controlled territories, they are targeted too. Blaming Muslims and rejecting them will only create more tension, more hatred, and more potential terrorists. This is why I want to love Muslims and offer them my friendship: because I believe this is the only way we can resist a spiral of hatred and violence. To me, this is the only sustainable weapon we have against terrorism.

If you are grieving for Father Jacques Hamel, do not forget what he stood for: he was a Christian, he believed in Jesus Christ. And Jesus Christ asked us to love our enemie and pray for them. Is it hard? Yes, it is. It is hard, painful, heart-wrenching, and dangerous. But this is what Jesus asks, and this is what Jesus did. He was brutally murdered, yet he prayed for his murderers. Jesus gave his life out of love for his enemies.

If you are a Christian, don't forget this: we are supposed to fight hate with love, persecution with prayer, evil with good. And if you are not a Christian, remember all that Father Jacques Hamel stood for, all he believed in. He would not want you to respond with hatred and vengeance.

"What did Jesus’s death change?"

I often go and visit my Grandma. She was raised a Catholic, but lately she has come to question both the teachings she received, and her own faith. We often have long conversations about it together. Last time we met, she asked me this:

“What did Jesus’ death change, exactly? People still kill each other. There are still wars, there is still suffering. So what did his death achieve?”

This is both a simple question, and a deep, rich theological one; one that is not easily answered. But I keep thinking about it since she’s asked me, and about what Jesus’ death means to me.

Something strikes me: not only did Jesus know it he was going to get himself killed, not only did he do nothing to prevent it, but he talks like it’s all part of a plan. He meant to die. If this is the case, his death must have had a purpose.

Jesus is well-known for the Beatitudes, which give an idea of happiness that runs contrary to the way things work in the world: blessed are the poor… the meek… the merciful. This rings beautiful, but not quite true, does it? The poor suffer, the meek see their right denied, and the merciful are taken advantage of. Those who assert their rights and forcibly take what they want seem to be the ultimate winners. Harder still, Jesus said we should love our enemies, pray for those who harm us, and not resist evil people.

Ad he certainly lived by those words. As I said in Friday’s post, he came to serve; and when he was arrested, not only did he not resist, but he rebuked those who wanted to defend him. He lived out his teachings to the very end.

Jesus’ death demonstrates the depth of God’s love. If you believe, like I do, that Jesus is God made flesh, then his death is the ultimate sacrifice of love – giving his very life to us. Some people are willing to die for a cause (or even to kill). God certainly doesn’t kill for a cause, and he doesn’t die for one, either: he dies for people. He dies for us. As St Paul puts it, one could possibly die for a good person; but God loves us so much he died for us even though we turn our backs on him and on everything good. He shows us how far he is willing to go in his love for us. He demonstrates that God and humanity don’t have to be enemies.

Scripture indicates that sin (the evil inclination to look after our own interests at the expense of everyone else) causes alienation. It separates us from God, it causes conflict between us and within us, and it separates us from nature as we damage and destroy it. Jesus takes humanity’s sin upon himself in all its ugliness and horror (and fully identifies with our humanity, even though he never sinned). By doing so, he sets us free from the dominion of evil. This is redemption: not only are we forgiven for our wrongdoings, but we are free to serve good instead of evil.

However, as my Grandma pointed out, evil still seems to have the upper hand in our world. I think part of the answer lies in the fact that redemption starts in individual hearts. Jesus frees us, individually, from the grip selfishness and evil have on us, so we can strive to do good instead, and be his co-workers to transform the world – to redeem it. But he doesn’t force himself on anyone. If we choose to remain in sin, selfishness and hatred, he will not force his love on us. It is ours to accept – or reject. And as long as people reject love and goodness, there will be evil in the world.

Yet the story is not complete if we stop at Jesus’ death, and we cannot fully apprehend the meaning of it if we don’t take into account what came next.

Death is the ultimate alienation, isn’t it? When one is dead, one is no longer able to have a relationship with anyone – not with God, not with others, and not with the world. Death is presented by the Bible writers as the final consequence of sin. But what if Jesus defeated death?

His early followers claimed that the tomb was empty, and that they saw Jesus again – alive. If this is true, then he truly has defeated death. He has shown us that his death indeed changed something: he has reversed the very power of death. He claimed that whoever believes in him will live, even if they die… His resurrection demonstrates that this wasn’t an empty claim.

Jesus’ resurrection also gives us hope of a life to come, not just for us individually, but for the world. Today, as St Paul said, the whole world is suffering in birth pains – but this means new life is coming. The work is in progress, but one day it will be completed. This is our hope and our faith. 

In this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

 

In this dark world, it's not only because I believe in Jesus' life that I have hope: it's because I believe in his resurrection, and thus, I believe he has defeated death and evil.

Salah: prayer.

On Friday, Salah Abdeslam, one of the terrorists responsible for the Paris attacks, was arrested in Brussels. He had been on the run for several months.

When I heard he had been captured, I felt relief - relief that a dangerous individual is now in the hands of the police, and is no longer a threat. My heart goes out to all those who have lost loved ones in the attacks. I am glad that justice will be done and that Salah will be held accountable for what he did.

However, I have no urge for violent retaliation towards him. First, because I don't want to sink down to hatred and violence. Then, because I have that crazy notion that he is not all that different from me: Salah Abdeslam is a human being.

It reminds me of the post about Hitler  holding a little girl's hand that floated around the internet a while ago. Here is an extract:

"Yeah. It’s fucking scary [the picture]. It really is. Do you know why?

It’s because you’re seeing that he wasn’t, in fact, a monster. You’re seeing in this picture that he was a man. He was a man, and that’s really the saddest part of it all.

[...] The number one mistake anyone could ever make in history is making the assumption that only inhuman monsters are capable of doing terrible things.

Stop dehumanizing Hitler just so you can reassure yourself that “normal” humans aren’t capable of doing bad things."

This is true of Hitler, and this is true of Salah Abdeslam. Evil is part of human nature. I am not saying it's a good thing at all - I am appalled and scared at the evil I see in human beings (including in myself). I am just saying that we should face up to this: as human beings, we are all capable of terrible evil. And sometimes, there are reasons why people fall into evil.

Before I go any further, let me be 100% clear: I do not condone terrorism and violence, and I grieve at destroyed lives. I do not seek excuses for those who engage in such acts. I am; however, willing to try and understand why they do.

If I had been born a second- or third-generation Muslim immigrant, torn between two cultures; if to most white people I had never been anything but "the Arab", or even the "fucking Arab", if I had been denied job opportunities on that ground alone... if I had felt despised and rejected by the society in which I lived, and then someone had come along and told me, "Come, sister, you will be respected and valued with us. You will be part of something great. You will be a hero. Others will no understand why you do it, but you will accomplish something great for God." Would I have believed it? Would I have been caught up in the lie and violence? I hope not, but maybe I would have. I do not ask that we excuse them, only that we understand why young people become violent radicals - and be willing to change our own behaviour so we don't become part of the problem too.

I also believe that all humans can change if they decide to do so. No one has to remain a monster. More than that, I believe that in Jesus, the opportunity is given to everyone to turn themselves around ("repent") and receive God's transforming love. In fact, this is why I am strongly against the death penalty: when you kill someone, you rob them of the chance to change and become a better person, forever.

Salah was supposed to blow himself up but backed out. It could be self-preservation kicking in, it could be something else. He may have had second thoughts about killing other people. In any case, I am glad he did not blow himself up. He is apparently cooperating with the police, so I hope this will help further dismantle the terrorist network he was a part of. I also hope he will feel genuine remorse for his actions.
 
You see, when I heard Salah Abdeslam had been arrested, the first thing that popped into my head was to pray for him. Pray for a fair trial, pray that he won't become the number one scapegoat of a much larger problem. And pray that the grace of God may touch his heart and transform it for good, somehow.

In Arabic, Salah means "prayer". And so I pray that this young man's life may be radically changed and become a true prayer - a testimony of a changed life.

Battling depression, part one

Lately, I learnt that someone close to me is severely depressed. As their story unravelled, I felt both overwhelmed with empathy, because I have battled depression myself (as I mentioned in a previous post), and with powerlessness, because I'm not sure how I can help. A friend of mine and fellow depression sufferer once asked me, "How did you get over it?" I suppose she was hoping for some trick, some tips on how to beat it. I wish there was a magic spell to make people better, but I don't know any.

I do know one thing, though: it helps to know that you're not alone, that other people know what you're going through. This is why I am writing this today.

The first time I remember suffering from depression is as a teenager. I was a very lonely child, as I had huge difficulties relating to others because of my Asperger's syndrome. I was bullied because of my quirks, and I had no idea how to make things better for myself. I also had self-esteem issues. I cried a lot and felt misunderstood. It's around that time I started self-harming. At first, I would tear bits of skin from my fingertips with a needle. Then I started cutting with a pocket knife. Seeing the blood on my arm gave me an odd sense of relief, as if the mutilation matched the wounds that were tearing me inside. 

One night, I tried to commit suicide by taking some pills. I was rushed to hospital. I remember my father telling me "We love you". I also remember telling my parents I was so screwed up I needed a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, the lady they took me to likely had no experience dealing with teens, and I stopped going after a while, claiming I was feeling better (which was false). At that time, I also promised my grandmother I would never try to kill myself again - a very important promise that may have saved my life.

When I was 18, a few things helped me feel better. Thanks to my parents' support, I traveled to London to study English for a year. That year was a turning point for me. First, because people had no expectations of my behaviour. At school, I had been the depressed girl who was always crying. In a vaguely conscious way, I felt trapped in that persona. In London, I could try and be someone different, someone happier. I made new friends, people who accepted me as I am. All of them were members of the church I went to, which links to the other important factor: I became a Christian. 

My faith helped me in different ways. The Christian idea that God forgives our sins lifted the burden of guilt off my heart. I was keenly aware of ways I had hurt my loved ones through my behaviour, and felt I did not deserve happiness. Believing I could be forgiven and start afresh was a huge step. However, there are two sides to that coin: the Christian doctrine of sin can add new and heavier burdens to one's soul... but I am getting ahead of myself.

Faith also gave me a sense of worth, and a purpose. I have worth as a child of God - I am loved beyond all measure, and my purpose is to have a relationship with God. These basic beliefs still help me tremendously today.

I still had regular bouts of anxiety and distress, though. I often cried and often felt lonely and at odds with other people.
 
The battle was far from over.

The foundations of my faith

In this blog, I already explained how I came to faith, and why I believe. Today, I want to explain precisely what I believe and what the foundations or my faith are. Those beliefs are based on the Bible so I have included Bible references.

1. I believe in one creator God, one in three persons – the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. We often say that “God is love”. Yet, love cannot exist without a recipient, and this is the mystery of the tri-une God: although he is one, he is three persons who love one another: at the heart of God is relationship from the very beginning. I believe God is loving, good, true, and just; I believe he is eternal, omniscient (all-knowing) and omnipotent (all-powerful). I believe he is the source of everything good, true, just and beautiful. I believe he caused the whole universe to come into being. I believe God designed human beings with free will – that is, we are not robots, we are free to choose between good and evil, love and hate, justice and injustice. I believe he made us in his own image, that is, beings that are capable of choices, beings of relationships, and beings of creativity, amongst other things. I believe he made us so we could enjoy a loving relationship with him. (Genesis 1-3; Matthew 28:19; John 1, 10:30, 14:8-11, 26, 17:3; 1 John 4:8)

2. I believe Jesus is God incarnate in human flesh. I believe he was born, lived and died as a human in Roman-occupied Israel at the beginning of the 1^st century as recorded in the New Testament Gospels. I believe he was crucified, was buried, and rose again. I believe he is alive eternally. Everything we need to know about God, we find in Jesus - he shows us exactly what God is like. (The Gospels - see especially John 1)

3. I believe that as humans we are all sinners, and sin separates us from God and deserves our death, for a just God cannot tolerate evil. I believe sin is in our nature but manifests itself in different ways in different people. I believe individual sins are the result of our inward attitude. Sin is my selfishness and ego, putting myself first and above everything else including God. Making myself my own God and rejecting the true God. Consequences both now (broken world, broken individual lives) and eternally (our ultimate destruction). I believe in sin because I see it both in my own life and heart, and in the world. (Genesis 3, Romans 1-3)

4. I believe that although God cannot tolerate evil, he still loves us more than we can imagine and didn't want to leave us in this dire situation. Because God loves us, he came to earth as Jesus: to make himself known to us, to extend his saving hand, and ultimately to die in our place, to die the death we deserve, so we could live, be forgiven of our wrongdoings, and enjoy a reconciled relationship with God, others, the world and ourselves. I believe Jesus’ death was the atoning sacrifice through which God chose to reconcile humanity to himself. I believe the process of redemption concerns not just individuals, but communities and ultimately the whole world. Each individual is responsible for his own acceptance of God’s work in their lives, but God’s goal is to redeem the whole world, transform it, renew it. (John 3:16-18; Romans 3:23-25, 5, 8:19-22)

5. I believe the Spirit of God lives in every believer and gives him both the will and the ability to change and become a better human day by day. This is what Christians call sanctification. I believe redemption and sanctification are a process that lasts a lifetime. (Matthew 10:20; John 7:39, 14:17, 26; 16:13; Acts 1-2)

6. I believe the universal church is the community of all those who trust in and follow Jesus as their God and Saviour. I believe we are called to spread the message of the gospel (good news) of God’s love for humanity, not just through words but through actions. I believe God wants us to partner with him to redeem this world. I believe Christian are called to form communities together where they can encourage each other, support each other, teach each other and pray for each other. (Acts)

7. I believe in the Bible. I believe it has been written by humans and inspired by God. I believe it tells us the Great Story about God, about the world, and about ourselves. I believe it contains commands to follow, principles to apply, examples to follow and virtues to cultivate. I also believe that it needs careful interpretation, given the variety of literary genres, historical and cultural contexts, and original recipients it was addressed to. I believe studying the Bible is fundamental for every Christian. (2 Timothy 3:16)

8. I believe in prayer. I believe that when we talk to God, he listens, he cares and he acts, although not always in the way we imagined, because he has infinite knowledge of everything we and the world need, while we don’t. (Matthew 7:7-11; Luke 11:1-13; John 14: 13-14, 16:23-26)