My annoying habit

I have been following Beckie0 on Youtube and Facebook for while. For those who don't know her, she is a young British woman suffering from a condition called thrichotillomania - it means she compulsively pulls her hair and struggles to stop herself from doing it, much in the same way people who bite their nails can't stop themselves. She documents her life with "trich", how she copes (or doesn't at times), and her evolution from a teenager into adulthood, as she started her vlog at a rather young age. I really appreciate her.

Her story is interesting because it touches on a difficult question: why are there certain behaviours that we seem unable to stop, even though it's not good for us, even though we wish we could stop? Addictions of all kinds come to mind, of course, but the type of compulsive behaviour that intrigues me here is the kind that cause mild self-harm.  Apparently, it even has a name: Body-Focused Repetitive Behavior. 

I am intrigued by it because there is something I have been doing for years and have found myself unable to stop, even though I really, really wish I could.

I bite the inside of my cheeks.

I cannot remember when I started doing this. I do remember, however, that as a child I used to bite, gnaw and chew things like the end of pens and pencils, rubbers, paper, and even leaves and tree bark. Because of my Asperger's, I think this may be linked to sensory issues in some ways - some autistic children I looked after would chew things as a way of getting acquainted with them, much like babies do. But I think it may also be linked to anxiety, and the cheek-biting certainly is. 

I may not remember starting biting the inside of my cheeks, but I know when I am most likely to be doing it: whenever I am anxious, concentrating on something (including a book or film I am engrossed in) or deep in thoughts. I am not always aware I am doing it, and when I do realise it, I keep doing it even though I think to myself: "I gotta stop this. Stop. Come on".

Most of the time it's rather mild. It feels like I am just pulling off tiny bits of skin inside my mouth. It feels rather cathartic, but the more I bite it off, the more little bits come loose that I want to bite off as well. At time when it was really bad, I occasionally made myself bleed, but fortunately, it doesn't happen very often.

People who spend time with me become aware of it quite quickly. Some tell me off, but being told to "Just stop already" doesn't help - if anything, it causes more anxiety, which in turn causes more biting. I feel self-conscious as well, because it makes me pull funny faces and it's not very attractive.

To this day, I still don't know how I can make myself stop. I really wish there was some kind of trick to get rid of that annoying habit. I know I'm not the only one, because I have read a few things online about it, but no real solution.