Friday 1 May 2015

Best customer questions

As you probably know, I work in a supermarket. While the constant stream of interfering noises is one of the most difficult things to cope with as an aspie, interacting with people can be quite frustrating, too - people acting too familiar, being unclear in their requests, or just plain rude. Today I'm going to share some of the questions customers have asked me...

- "Excuse me, do you work here?" No, I stole a uniform because I thought it was so elegant.

- (Seeing me kneeling to restock the lower shelves) "Saying your prayers, are you?"

- "I don't understand how the buy one, get one free offer works." Well, if you manage to do a handstand while holding both items on one foot, the second one is free. 

- "So you have a boyfriend? How much is he paying you?" Excuse me, did you just call me a prostitute?

- (Customer staring at the yoghurt and dessert aisle) "Where is the mozarella?!"
"Just over there, sir, in the cheese aisle."

- (Same customer who asked how much my boyfriend paid me) "So, this boyfriend of yours, is he on the dole or on income support?" ...

- (Customer showing me a box of painted Easter eggs): "Are those Easter eggs?" Nope, can't you see they're lemons?

- (Customer staring at the margarine section and letting out a huge, baffled sigh) "Which one do you use for cooking?"
"None of those, madam. I use olive oil."

-"Still working, are you?" No, I was bored so I thought I'd restock shelves just for the fun of it.

- Me (turning to customer who just pulled at my trousers waistband): "Excuse me!"
Customer: "Don't you like it?" Geez, yeah. I love getting old creeps tugging at my clothes. WTF?

- (Customer seeing me clean the glass doors) "Will you come and clean mine afterwards?"
"Sure, how much will you pay my cleaning services?"

- "Do you sell painted Easter eggs?"
"Well, around Easter we do, but it's November at the moment..."

- "If there is no price on this item, does it mean it's free?" Oh, sure. Ask the manager.

- (Fifty-something customer accompanied by his mother) "Why don't you go to the village ball? Men would only have eyes for you!" Good grief...

- "I'm pretty sure you can't help me at all, but I have been looking everywhere and I just can't find that, I need it to cook dinner and I really don't know if you sell any..." Well, if you started by telling me what it is you are looking for, I'm pretty sure I could help you all right. As it is...


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